Spot the Frustrated Expat

Living in Switzerland obviously has its perks. In fact, I can say without a doubt that I absolutely love it here. If I haven't raved enough about the state of my life at the moment (and for the past year), then trust me when I say that I am living a dream. Living both among the mountains and on the shores of a lake, spending my time writing my novel and learning a new language, having a wonderfully loving and supportive husband, and now adding a teeny weeny baby to the mix... well, like I said, life is pretty darned good.

But.

MAN some things are annoying! A lot of them, not surprisingly, revolve around issues with the language barrier. Yes, I am learning German, and yes, I think I'm actually doing pretty well, considering the fact that very little of the German I hear in my day-to-day life is the German that I am learning. Ah, yes, the age-old issue of learning high-German while living in a place that speaks only Swiss-German. I am now able to (awkwardly, and with a ridiculous amount of mistakes) hold a reasonably meaningful conversation, but I'm definitely not anywhere near the level to be able to comprehend the ins and outs of a variety of important documents... and this is annoying!

TELL ME, JOHANNA, WHAT IS ANNOYING?

- I received a package in the mail today from the hospital that we are planning on using in order to bring Beanie into this world. I was so excited - I have been keeping an eye out for this little package of goodies! And so (you know what's coming) I open it, and out pours a bunch of gorgeous glossy booklets about pregnancy, birth, alternative options, midwives, the hospital itself, as well as all the forms and such that we need to check and fill out. And I can't understand any of it. So annoying! I am so excited about this, and it frustrates the hell out of me to not be able to just sit down with a big grin on my face and absorb all this new and exciting information!

- Bin collection! Instead of paying for this service in our taxes, we pay for it when we buy the bin bags (hence bin bags are stupidly expensive). After spending nine months figuring out the recycling system in the centre of town (and only the one time managing to actually get our stack of papers -- tied up with specific recycling string, not exceeding X cm in height -- collected and recycled!), we are now in a new place with a new system, a new timetable, and more secret, unspoken-about places where we need to take our cans, glass, plastic, cartons, cardboard, paper. I'm still yet to really figure out where everything goes, and when it should go there.

- Knowing where to buy things. For example: I need a new pillow! Where on earth does someone go to get this? Or a toilet brush? Or some wood-glue? Or some egg beaters? or Blu-tac? Or to get photos printed? Or a key cut? Or to find some salted butter? Or some moisturiser for stretch marks? Where is the Target equivalent where pretty much everything is there, and it's cheap-ish? Answer? There is none. Everything has a specialty store. Or else you have to go to Ikea. And we've gone this long without going (something I'm stupidly proud of), so I'm holding out as long as I can.

- The health insurance issue is, quite simply, the biggest pain in the butt. Ever. I could easily write a 5000 word rant on this issue, but let me just provide one small example: We paid for private health insurance and have waited the necessary length of time for it to kick in, and then we discover that there is actually a *secret list* of private hospitals and clinics that our health insurance company accepts. And none of them exist in our canton (state). Seriously? So public hospital it is (though the publics here are still absolutely top-notch)... but what exactly is included, what is upgraded for free, and what is not covered at all, remains entirely unclear, no matter how many times we ask. So it would not surprise me in the least if, as a little 'congratulations' present from our insurance company, we get a whopping great bill at the end of this, when we've been careful to ensure everything is covered.

- Not being able to talk to old people. This has really become apparent to me lately, what with my newly rotund belly. Elderly people are always smiling at me and starting up conversations on the train or the bus, or in the waiting room... but the Swiss German they speak is so completely foreign to me. I have tried, a number of times, to continue the conversation in high German (the language I'm learning) but it becomes stilted and the smiles soon fade. *sigh*

... etc. etc

So it would seen that there are a bunch of things that are annoying. I'm certain that all of these are things that anyone would have to deal with when moving somewhere so different, particularly to a place where they do not speak the language. I can only be thankful that so many people speak my language, and I can often (though definitely not always) turn to this to help me out. Occasionally I find myself thinking about what it would be like to be a Vietnamese immigrant in Australia, for example, where you look different, your alphabet is different, your qualifications are perhaps not accepted, and no one speaks your language.

And now we're back to me feeling lucky again. :)

My January Goals

So I know that it's already the 8th (almost 9th) of January, but I've come across this great blog (catelinden.com) and have decided to steal her idea of writing down monthly goals. They can be overwhelmingly huge or utterly trivial, but I want them to be achievable. If there's one thing I've learnt about myself in recent years, it's that I need to reduce times when I might judge myself as a failure. So it's all about setting achievable goals. If, for example, I was to write on here that I plan to put my clothes away or in the laundry each night before I go to bed, you should all reply and tell me that I am being an idiot, and such a goal for a messy (some call it 'creative') person such as myself is simply unachievable. You get the idea.

My totally achievable goals for January

1. Work on my novel every day. Enough said.

2. Go for walks around Horgen. We are still new to this little village, and I haven't explored it enough. I want to discover the little nooks and crannies, the secret little waterfall in the forest I've heard about, find cute little shops here and there.

3. Eat healthily. I know that 'healthy eating' is often in the eye of the beholder, but for me, it means eating 2 fruit and 5 veg every day, eating a wholesome breakfast, and not snacking on junk. Hopefully this will also result in me gaining weight in a healthy manner.

4. Read Hypnobirthing and do a little yoga every second day, depending on how my pelvis holds up.

5. Contact Horgan Seespital and organise to meet with a midwife for a tour of the hospital at some point.

6. Keep track of finances. Pay the medical bills and write up a spreadsheet to keep track of all this. Keep track of how much I'm spending on groceries, and alter it where need be!

7. Unpack the spare room. This is difficult because we have nowhere to PUT stuff yet, until our things from Australia arrive (probably around the end of Feb), but I can make the first move and get it organised.

8. Research baby items and decide what we need to buy, and where and how we will get it. I already know some of this, but not enough. We've talked about a lot of it, but we need to make some concrete decisions.

9. Get properly stuck into my German when my intensive lessons kick in half way through this month. Do my homework, study, write up vocab lists and grammar charts and stick them on the fridge.

10. Use dinner-time twice a week to speak to my lovely husband in German. He's so much more advanced for me, so I shouldn't ask too many questions and let him babble away too - make it good practice for him AND me. Also, try to get the guts to speak German more with our German friends, and don't be so afraid of ridicule.

2011 - The year of embracing Switzerland

It's December 31st.

Again.

Okay, so it was when I began writing this post...

It seems like a moment ago when I was writing my 2010 run-down back in our little studio apartment in Boll, summarising our leap into married life, our big cycling bonanza (one may say that these are in fact one and the same thing), and the subsequent decision of where we should choose to live for a year. I doubt there will ever be a year with more crammed into it than 2010 (well... 2012 just might!), but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't attempt a summary of 2011 anyhow!

2011: The Year of Embracing Switzerland

Number of apartments we called home: 4 (our teeny studio apartment in Boll, Google's temporary apartment in Zurich, our one-bedroom furnished sublet in Wiedikon, and our current 2 storey, 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, dream bathtub, dream view apartment in Horgen.)

Number of countries visited: 8 (Scotland, Australia, France, Belgium, Italy, Lichtenstein, USA, Canada... surely there's more?)

Number of attempts at snowboarding: 1 (No comment. No photo. No evidence.)

Number of visiting Aussies that slept in our living room: 9 (Mark, my parents, Dunc's parents, Sammy, Tom, Clare, Alex... I am SURE I forgot some!)

Number of international sporting tournaments participated in: 2 (weehoo for discovering Zurich Netball and Netball Switzerland!)

Number of enormous life-changing decisions made: 2 (Firstly, that we will make Switzerland our permanent home and not return to Australia in the foreseeable future, and secondly, that we are ready to start a family!)

Number of amazing new friends made: COUNTLESS! I forget how many until we cram them all into the one room for a housewarming party!

(I have surprisingly few friend photos! Need to get onto that...)

Number of books I finished reading: not enough

Number of books I finished writing: not enough

...I could keep going... number of times I threw up, number of physio appointments I attended for my ankle (bruised bones take a year to heal, people. Just say no.), number of bicycles we now own, number of musical instruments we now own, number of new cheeses I have tried, number of cafes that I will need to acknowledge once my book gets published...

It has been a great year, that is for certain. I have been reading people's posts about how 2011 was awful ('bring on 2012'), and I remember the same kind of comments from last year. And probably from 2009 too. This got me thinking (uh-oh, Dunc would say). It has been a very very long time since I looked back at a year and thought 'Gee, that sucked, let's start a-fresh'. My days of utter contentedness continue to grow with each passing year, and I consider each and every day how lucky I am. This must be the very definition of happiness.

Meanwhile, my New Year fortune cookie has something important to tell me:

An end to all the lies!

No-one tells you what a great liar you have to become the second that you discover you are pregnant. And that it's not just a little white lie that you have to tell -- This is endurance-lying. Lying that lasts weeks, if not months, and feels like forever. Or, if you are some kind of a health freak (ahem ahem) and have decided to 'get your body ready for a potential pregnancy', get ready for the long-haul 6-9 month lying tour.

Everyone seems to have their own way of dealing with the potential suspicions that incessant sobriety can bring. And let me tell you, I had to get my story pretty straight pretty early - a wine, whiskey and blue-cheese lover such as myself was certainly going to be under the spotlight unless I had a good lie up my sleeve.

I stopped drinking at the start of April. That's right, April. A.P.R.I.L. "Really? Has it been that long?" asks the innocent bystander... "YES!" This is when my lying had to begin. It wasn't so hard at first -- I was on a health kick, which is what I told everyone, and I was detoxing my body. So no lying there. It was when those nosey people asked "Why?" that I had to either lie, or tell them to mind their own business. My story went something along the lines of me having bad allergies (true -- everyone knew it -- it was spring, after all) and needing to rid my body of all toxins to combat these effectively. A good lie, huh? Because, in part, it was true. And I had done something similar to this before.

The lie kind of lost its potency after six months though... I mean, surely I was detoxed already? This is where the real lying had to come in: "I just don't really want it any more." PFFFT. Who wouldn't want partake in a nice single-malt Auchentoshan, or have some of that wine that I picked out for the group (seeing as apparently a decent knowledge of wine and actually drinking the stuff are in no way connected)? I then resorted to lying about a variety of illnesses (which isn't hard to feign in the first few weeks!) -- flus, colds, jet lag, flare-ups of my almost-totally-under-control fibromylagia... I cant imagine, though, how my absence at Oktoberfest wasn't the equivalent of me waving an enormous 'I'm pregnant' sign at the world...

Though, maybe everyone knew, and they are all just very polite. It is Switzerland, after all :)

Let's just say that shouting out to the world that WE ARE HAVING A BABY was one of the greatest moments of relief in my life. Yes, Beanie had made it to the twelve week mark, and was therefore well on its way to being a fully formed little person, but also I didn't have to tell any more lies!

Duncan and I both had our moments of weakness... I mentioned to some of my netball girls over lunch one day that we were thinking about having kids sometimes soon (what a way to undo all my hard work!), and Dunc kept bringing up 'babies' and then having to tack on an unsubtle '...one day' onto the end of his sentences. Meanwhile, Beanie was in there, growing away in secret.

On a more serious note:

I know that everyone has their own personal ways of dealing with the seemingly endless lists of food and drink no-nos during pregnancy, and I have no problem at all with each woman doing what they are comfortable with. But I am one of those extremist personalities (apparently, according to a genetic reading I've had done through the company 23-and-me, I have a tendency towards an addictive personality, which is no surprise to me whatsoever, and I think very much goes hand in hand with this kind of behaviour), and I am not going to be drinking/caffeining/hamming/sushiing/bratwursting/soft-cheesing/runny-egging at all for a while. Hell, I've made it seven months so far, what's a while longer? And if Duncan and I are going to be making our own little Von Trapp family, it might definitely be a while... Though, I reserve the right to change my mind should a nice chilled wooded chardonnay be wafted in front of me on a summer's evening...

Lake views and a lost bike

Writing all the in-between scenes is boring. I'm trying to aim for 500 words a day and even that is tough at the moment.

Life updates:

- New apartment has been snagged! It is GORGEOUS! Moving in about three weeks from now... :)

- My beautiful bike was stolen...

It's strange how, after existing for so long with so few material possessions, the things that you do own seem to take on magical properties. That bike went through so much with me. It hurt me, I hurt it. Eventually, with time, we learnt to love each other. The thing, though, is that Dunc went through so much to make that bike perfect for me. So much of his sweat went into it. And only then could my sweat also go into it!

Anyway, I'm being positive, despite the fact that I am now a slave to the public transport system (NO!). A friend said to me that this can perhaps be seen as the closing of a chapter of my life, and the new bike I get will be the opening of another. This co-incides well with moving to a new place that is unfurnished, that we will make our own - evidence of our desire to continue our 'new' lives here in Zurich, and of our want of making it all less temporary. Strange how saying 'less temporary' seems easier to admit to all my friends than 'more permanent'. Hmm...

We've got a big few weeks coming up! I'll keep you informed.

Writing a Novel is Tough

Writing a novel is tough. Oh, don't worry, it's not like this is some kind of a grand revelation for me. It's just that there are parts of the job that are unexpectedly difficult.

Before I go about my whinge, it's of the utmost importance that I let you all know how much I love what I am doing. I had a bit of a whine to a friend here the other day, after eight hours of hard slog resulted in just six-hundred words (and this was eight hours of only writing, not editing, not planning, not brainstorming, not charting...), and they told me, “don't push too hard on something you love, that's an awesome way to get you to come to resent it.” My thoughts on this are that.... well... my current situation with my writing is that it is much more than my hobby. It's my job. And even while working at a job you absolutely love, there are days where you struggle. I know that. When I was teaching, it was the same. So I have to remind myself that one horribly frustrating day every month or so is totally acceptable. I won't grow to resent it - not a chance! I love it! And, for the record, the next day I bashed out about 1800 words in only two hours – who knew that was even possible!

So, parts of this writing business that have been unexpectedly difficult:

1. I get way too much pleasure from editing my work. I could happily spend a year just reworking the writing I have already completed, working on the atmosphere, the style, the imagery, the rhythm of my word choice, etc. This is a sure-fire way to feel very productive, and yet to produce nothing.

2. I HAVE TOO MANY IDEAS! I have to stop thinking. Just write. Otherwise my novel will end up with fifteen protagonists, each with their own flaws, their own journeys, etc. And... well, that's just no good. The organisational skills that go hand-in-hand with attempting to keep track of these ideas, deciding which are relevant, which can serve as sub-plot, and which will just have to wait for novel numbers two, three and four, are simply mind-boggling.

3. Having to consistently answer questions about my writing. I know that if I was not writing a novel myself, and I met a person who was writing a novel, I too would want to know what it was about. But what a ridiculously difficult question this is to answer! Earlier on in the process, I would follow the advice from another friend and answer this question with something along the lines of, “if I truly knew what it was about, I'd have finished it already”. But that doesn't fly anymore. I know what it's about - I just can't describe it effectively without making it sound ridiculously melodramatic, or just plain boring. I need to come up with a one-sentence fall-back answer. Incidentally, one thing that I love is when people ask me about my novel, but they ask very odd questions. Instead of asking what my novel is about, some people have asked me:

• “What's your main character like?”
  

• “Whose writing is similar to yours?”
  

• “Is your novel about relationships?”
  

• "What's the most important symbol in your book?"

• “What do you want people to get out of your novel?”

4. The guilt. I am just so lucky. I wonder, often, what I have done to deserve this incredible opportunity I currently have. I am just having too much fun. It's hard, I work my butt off, but I love it. Sure, all of this shouldn't bring feelings of guilt, but... what if nothing comes of it? Ooo... that's the scariest thing. Let's not think about that, actually.With this guilt comes the need to consistently justify myself. Again, this is unreasonable, but that's just me.

5. The fear that I am wasting this opportunity, that I am not making the most of it, am not working hard enough, am not producing enough. This is a great motivator, actually.

30 Day Photography Challenge

So I've started a 30 Day Photography Challenge. I love photography, but I just never really focus on it. I should... I go through phases, I suppose.

Anyhow, this challenge is going to keep me inspired, I hope!

Day 1: Self Portrait

This was tough. I took a bunch, and it definitely came down to a toss up between two. Both I really liked, one for its vibrancy of colour, one for its shadows and light. Although I like the first colourful one as a photograph of me, I have chosen the second. I think it's a better photograph. But tough!

Day 2: Something I Wore Today

Today I am meant to take a photo of 'something I wore today'. BANAL! I suppose the challenge is to do something that is NOT banal... but I failed. I'm not much of a 'still life' photographer. Hate em, in fact. But in this way, it's good for me.

I tried taking a photo of my dirty shoe against the cobbles.

I tried taking a photo of my big wooden bangle next to a bunch of other round things...

I tried taking a photo of my shirt drying on the balcony...

Hated everything.

So I went with the banal. The boring. Will be happy to ignore this one in future.

Day 3: Clouds

AURGH! Clouds are my favourite thing to photograph! But yesterday was a wholly SHITE day for cloud photography! Nothing remotely interesting - just whispy clouds at best, with no real form or body, and I was looking after my friend's baby for the whole day, so I couldn't go out and explore... it was bloody tough.

So here is my official DAY 3 PHOTOGRAPH (taken at sunset, obviously, at netball training):

Now, just for reference, here are the kind of cloud pictures I like to take (not saying this is perfect, far far far from it, but you get the idea), and, incidentally, I took just five days ago. When the clouds were good. Stupid clouds.

Day 4: Something Green
(can you spot it?)

I had fun with this one. Yes, it's another bloody still-life, but I enjoyed it!

To me, this photo is evidence of my expat life: In Australia, only the rich and famous could afford a load of berries like this! I feel as though it also demonstrates my current health-kick.

I still don't really know if it works to have my hand in the pic...



... EDIT: I'm giving up on this photography challenge. I hate having to take pictures of things I don't want to photograph, simply because it's 'clouds' day, or whatever. I know, I'm a quitter. But even after four days I am in the habit of bringing my camera with me places, which was really the point anyhow...